詩篇新譯正誤探討(II) 第11-20篇

                              詩篇新譯正誤探討(2)

                                           第11-20篇

                                                                   11. 正直依靠
   11:1-3 原譯欠通順簡潔工整, 應加潤飾修正.
               新譯:   我已向耶和華投靠,                            原譯:   我是投靠耶和華,
                         你們為何還對我說:                                     你們怎麼對我說:
                        "你要像鳥飛逃山中,                                "你當像鳥飛往你的山去.
                       看哪! 惡人的弓已拉開,                                    看哪! 惡人彎弓,
                          且他們的箭己上弦,                                        把箭搭在弦上,
                          要暗射正直人的心.                                要在暗中射那心裏正直的人.
                          當根基正被人毀壞,                                          根基若毀壞,
                          義人還能做甚麼呢?"                                    義人還能做甚麼呢?"
               說明: 1. flee 譯 "飛逃" 較原譯 "飛往" 切合原意.
                         2. "弓己拉開, 箭己上弦" 較原譯 "彎弓, 把箭搭在弦上" 簡潔工整有力.
                         3. to shoot from the shadows at the upright in heart.
                             應譯 "要暗射正直人的心" 非 "要在暗中射那心裏正直的人"

  11:4-6 原譯欠通順簡明工整, 應加修正改譯.
              新譯:    耶和華在衪的聖殿中,                              原譯:    耶和華在他的聖殿裏,
                        祂坐在衪的天上寶座.                                       耶和華的寶座在天上.
                           衪仔細察看世人.                                            他的慧眼察看世人.
                           用慧眼檢驗他們.                                              耶和華試驗義人;
                           耶和華試鍊義人,                                        惟有惡人和喜愛強暴的人,
                       衪的心憎恨惡人和暴徒.                                             衪心裏恨惡.
                          祂必降炭火和硫火                                           他要向惡人密布羅網
                          傾倒在惡人的身上,                                           有烈火, 硫磺, 熱風
                          熾熱焚風燒滅他們.                                              作他們杯中的分.
               說明: 1. the Lord is on his heavenly throne
                          應譯 "祂坐在衪的天上寶座" 非 "耶和華的寶座在天上"
                      2. the wicked and those who love violence
                          譯 "惡人和暴徒" 較 "惡人和喜愛強暴的人" 簡明恰切.
                      3. coals and burning sulfur; a scourching wind
                          譯 "炭火和硫火; 熾熱焚風" 較 "烈火, 硫磺, 熱風" 切合原意.
                          英文無 "他要向惡人密布羅網" 之意, 應改正.
                      4. will be their lot
                          譯 "燒滅他們" 較 "作他們杯中的分" 恰切易解.

   11:7 原譯尚可, 稍加修正即可.
            新譯:     因耶和華公平愛正義,                               原譯:     因為耶和華是公義的,
                       正直的人必得見祂面.                                   他喜愛公義, 正直人必得見祂的面.
            說明: justice 應譯 "公平" 以示與 righteous "正義" 有別.

                                                           12. 遠離邪惡
  12:1-4 原譯西式語氣太重, 且欠通順簡潔工整, 應加潤飾改正.
            新譯:     耶和華啊, 求你助我!                                    原譯:     耶和華啊, 求你幫助!
                         因敬虔的人絕跡了,                                                    因虔誠人斷絕了,
                   信實的人在世人中也消失了.                                         世人中間的忠信人沒有了.
                      人人都向他的鄰舍說謊,                                           人人向鄰舍說謊, 他們說話,
                      用諂媚嘴說口是心非話.                                               是嘴唇油滑, 心口不一.
                        懇求耶和華剪除所有                                             凡油滑的嘴唇和誇大的舌頭,
                        諂媚的唇和誇大的舌.                                                    耶和華必要剪除.
                   舌頭說: "我們必能以舌取勝,                                      他們曾說: "我們必能以舌頭取勝,
                 唇是我們的, 誰能作我們的主呢?"                          我們的嘴唇是我們自己的, 誰能作我們的主呢?"
             說明: 1. no more 譯 "絕跡了" 較 "斷絕了" 雅達.
                     2. the faithful 譯 "信實的人" 較 "忠信人" 恰切.
                     3. vanished from 譯 "消失了" 較 沒有了" 切合原意.
                     4. flattering lips 譯 "諂媚嘴 " 較 "嘴唇油滑" 雅達.
                     5. speak with deception 譯 "說口是心非話" 較 "心口不一" 恰切.
                     6. flattering lips 譯 "諂媚的唇" 較 "油滑的嘴唇" 雅達.
                     7. boastful tongue 譯 "誇大的舌" 較 "誇大的舌頭" 簡潔, 且與 "諂媚的唇" 對稱.
                     8. that says 指上節人的舌頭, 故譯 "舌頭說" 較 "他們曾說" 切合原意.

  12:5 原譯有誤, 西式語氣太重, 且欠通順簡潔, 應加潤飾改正如新譯.
                            新譯                                                                           原譯
           耶和華說: "因弱小受欺凌,                                      耶和華說: "因為困苦人的冤屈
                     貧困在呻吟;                                                       和貧窮人的嘆息,
                     我定要起來,                                                         我現在要起來,
                保護他們免受欺凌."                  英文                 把他安置在他所切慕的穩妥之地."
                                  "Because of the oppression of the weak
                                          and the groaning of the needy,
                                          I will now arise," says the Lord,
                           "I will protect them from those who malign them."
            說明: 1. oppression 應譯 "欺凌" 非 "冤屈" / groaning "呻吟" 非 "嘆息".
                      2. I will protect them from those who malign them
                          應譯 "保護他們免受欺凌" 非 "把他安置在他所切慕的穩妥之地"

  12:6 原譯尚可, 稍加修正即可.
                          新譯: 耶和華的言語純淨,                     原譯: 耶和華的言語是純淨的言語,
                          好像銀子在泥爐中精鍊過七次.                      好同銀子在泥爐中煉過七次.
            說明: purified 譯 "精鍊 " 較 "煉" 確切.

                                  新譯                                                               原譯
  12:7-8     耶和華啊, 你必保我們平安,                        耶和華啊, 你必保護他們,
                   保護我們永遠遠離那些人.                   你必保佑他們永遠脫離這世代的人.
                       邪惡在世人中高舉,                                下流人在世人中升高,
                       惡人就會四處橫行.              英文               就有惡人到處遊行.
                                             O Lord, you will keep us safe
                                    and protect us from such people forever.
                                             The wicked freely strut about
                                    when what is vile is honored among men.
            說明: 原譯有誤, 西式語氣太重, 且欠通順簡潔, 應加潤飾改正如新譯.
                     1. you will keep us safe 應譯 "你必保我們平安" 非 "你必保護他們"
                     2. protect us from such people forever
                           應譯 "保護我們永遠遠離那些人" 非 "你必保佑他們永遠脫離這世代的人"
                     3. The wicked freely strut about
                           譯 "惡人就會四處橫行" 較 "就有惡人到處遊行" 雅達.
                     4. when what is vile is honored among men.
                           應譯 "邪惡在世人中高舉" 非 "下流人在世人中升高"

                                                                     13. 憂苦祈求
13:1     原譯尚佳, 稍加修正即可.
            新譯: 耶和華啊! 你忘記我要到幾時呢?              原譯: 耶和華啊! 你忘記我要到幾時呢?
                             難道要到永遠嗎?                                            要到永遠嗎?
                      你掩面不顧我又要到幾時呢?                            你掩面不顧我要到幾時呢?

                                         新譯                                                                  原譯
13:2              我心裏在掙扎, 終日內心愁苦,                       我心裏籌算, 終日愁苦要到幾時呢?
                               還要到幾時呢?                                 我的仇敵升高壓制我要到幾時呢?
                     我的仇敵勝過我更要到幾時呢?
                                                                       英文
                                         How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
                                           and every day have sorrow in my heart?
                                         How long will my enemy triumph over me?
                     說明: 原譯有誤, 且欠通順簡潔, 應加潤飾改正如新譯.
                              1. wrestle 應譯 "掙扎" 非 "籌算"
                              2. sorrow in my heart 應譯 "內心愁苦", "內心"未譯出.
                              3. triumph over me 應譯 "勝過我" 非 "升高壓制我"

13:3-4     原譯欠通順簡明工整, 應加修正改譯.
                新譯: 耶和華我的神啊!                                    原譯: 耶和華我的神啊, 求你看顧我,
                       求你看顧回應我;                                                  應允我, 使我眼目光明,
                       使我的眼目明亮,                                                       免得我沉睡至死.
                       免得我沉睡至死.                                               免得我的仇敵說: "我勝了他";
               我的仇敵會說: "我打敗他了!"                                                 免得我的敵人
                 他們會因我倒下歡呼快樂.                                                在我搖動的時候喜樂.
                說明: 1. Look on me and answer
                              譯 "求你看顧回應我 " 較 "求你看顧我, 應允我," 簡明工整.
                       2. Give light to my eyes 譯 "眼目明亮" 較 "眼目光明" 恰切.
                       3. overcome 譯 "打敗" 較 "勝了" 切合原意.
                            "免得我" 重複二次, 有欠通順.
                       4. my foes will rejoice when I fall
                             應譯 "他們會因我倒下歡呼快樂" 非 "在我搖動的時候喜樂"

13:5-6   原譯尚佳, 稍加修正即可.
              新譯: 但我信靠你不變的慈愛,                              原譯: 但我依靠你的慈愛,
                     我的心因你的救恩喜樂.                                    我的心因你的救恩快樂.
                        我要向耶和華歌唱,                                          我要向耶和華歌唱,
                        因祂一向厚恩待我.                                            因他用厚恩待我.
              說明: unfailing love 原譯未將 "不變的" 譯出, 應補正.

                                                                  14. 遠離愚頑
14:1    原譯欠通順簡明工整, 應加修正改譯.
            新譯: 愚人心裏說: "沒有神."                                原譯: 愚頑人心裏說: "沒有神."
                他們都邪惡敗壞, 行為卑鄙,                                   他們都是邪惡, 行了可憎的事;
                       沒有一個行善的.                                                   沒有一個人行善.
            說明: They are corrupt, their deeds are vile;
                      譯 "他們都邪惡敗壞, 行為卑鄙" 較 "他們都是邪惡, 行了可憎的事" 雅達有力.

14:2-3     原譯尚佳, 稍加修正即可.
                新譯: 耶和華從天上垂察世人,                            原譯: 耶和華從天上垂看世人,
                            看有沒有明理的,                                           要看有明白的沒有,
                            有沒有尋求神的.                                             有尋求神的沒有.
                            他們全偏離正道,                                             他們都偏離正路,
                            都變得邪惡敗壞;                                              一同變為污穢;
                     沒有行善的, 連一個也沒有.                               並沒有行善的, 連一個也沒有!
                 說明: they have together become corrupt;
                           譯 "都變得邪惡敗壞" 較 "一同變為污穢" 恰切.

                                         新譯                                                                   原譯
14:4-6           那些吞吃我的百姓像吃飯一樣,                              作孽的都沒有知識嗎?
                      和從不求告耶和華的邪惡之徒,                       他們吞吃我的百姓如同吃飯一樣,
                      難道他們都得不到一點教訓嗎?                                 並不求告耶和華.
                            其實他們都滿懷恐懼,                                   他們在那裏大大地害怕,
                            因神與義人站在一起.                                   因為神在義人的族類中.
                           惡人在干擾窮人的生計,                             你們叫困苦人的謀算變為羞辱,
                           耶和華卻是窮人避難所.           英文                然而耶和華是他的避難所.
                                                      Will evilerdoers ever learn -
                                     those who devour my people as men eat bread
                                                      and who do not call on me?
                                           There they are, overwhelmed with dread,
                                    for God is present in the company of the righteous.
                                         You evildoers frustrate the plans of the poor,
                                                       but the Lord is their refuge.
                說明: 1. Will evilerdoers ever learn -
                              應譯 "難道他們都得不到一點教訓嗎" 非 "作孽的都沒有知識嗎"
                       2. overhelmed with dread 譯 "滿懷恐懼" 較 "大大地害怕" 簡潔達意.
                       3. for God is present in the company of the righteous.
                              應譯 "神與義人站在一起" 非 "神在義人的族類中"
                       4. The evildoers frustrate the plans of the poor,
                             應譯 "惡人在干擾窮人的生計" 非 "你們叫困苦人的謀算變為羞辱"

14:7      原譯欠通順簡明工整, 應加修正改譯.
             新譯: 神啊, 願以色列的救恩從錫安而出;                      原譯: 但願以色列的救恩從錫安而出;
                        當耶和華復興祂子民福祉時,                                      耶和華救回他被擄的子民,
                         雅各要歡喜, 以色列要快樂!                                 那時, 雅各要快樂, 以色列要歡喜.
             說明: 1. Oh 應譯 "神啊" 未譯出, 應補正.
                    2. When the Lord restores the fortunes of his people
                           應譯 "當耶和華復興祂子民福祉時" 非 "耶和華救回他被擄的子民"

    附記  自 2020元旦起 "荒漠甘泉經文新譯" 上佈樂格, 敬請點閱指正.